Saturday, June 30, 2007

ACME Instant Ingredients (just add postage)


Hello friends!


I'm your Acme Instant Food boy. Are you tired, run-down, listless? Do you poop out at parties? Are you unpopular? The answer to all your problems is in this little blog post!




I admit it's true. I've become tired, run-down and listless. Hey, this is a food blog so I'm talking about the kitchen here people; I'm just fine in all other departments. I find myself stuck in a bit of a cooking rut lately. There haven't been many new, fresh and inventive aromas wafting out of saucepans, steamers, or grills lately in the Acme kitchen. I'm feeling the need to burst out of the confines of my cooking comfort zone. And I've decided that I want some help doing it.

This is where you come in (don't leave yet).

There are tons of cooking "memes" (where did that word come from?) but I've only participated once. It's not that I have anything against memes, it's just that I have enough trouble getting the basic culinary postings done much less find too much time to explore the fun extra-curricular activities. But I've hatched an idea* that might prove to be fun and productive at the same time.

*I'm hoping this is unique idea-I haven't run across anyone doing it yet.

Acme Instant Ingredients

Those who wish to participate will sign up to exchange an unusual ingredient or food product with another blogger. Once you receive your ingredient you can use it any way you like and then write a post about your ingredient, what you learned, and the recipe for whatever you've created with it.

Potential ingredients should be somewhat unique. Perhaps send some local regional flavor that isn't widely known elsewhere. It might be a food product such as the dried mango slices dusted with chili powder that I'm addicted to. Use your imagination and try to pick something that might stimulate another blogger to discover something new. Also keep in the mind the fact that your ingredient must be something that can be shipped easily without spoiling. While unique ingredients are desired, I don't think most people would appreciate receiving a package of freeze-dried organic beetles or goat pancreas picked in ouzo. Creativity is appreciated, but let's not venture into Fear Factor territory.

If interested, email me at AcmeInstant Food(at)gmail(dot)com. Include in your email:

1. Name and address where the ingredient should be sent.

2. Any important info regarding dietary allergies (nuts, etc) or considerations such as a vegetarian or vegan diet.

3. There may be people partipating internationally so please advise me if you do not wish to send a package overseas due to extra shipping costs.

Please email me with your desire to remedy your kitchen burn out with Acme Instant Ingredients prior to Sunday, July 8. I will then pair up partipants and send you information about who your blogger buddy is and where to send your ingredient. You should aim to have your exciting new recipe creation finished and reported on your blog prior to Sunday, August 12 (giving ya some time in case you need to do some heavy-duty researching on your ingredient).


It's so tasty too!

Just like candy. So why don't you join the thousands of happy peppy people and take a chance with Acme Instant Ingredients tomorrow.

That's Acme..Instant...Ingredients. (wink)


And for those of you unfamiliar with this bit of comic genius, here is the classic scene.


Wednesday, June 27, 2007

GRILLED LOBSTER TAIL WITH CHIPOTLE-LIME BUTTER

I began this blog one year ago in April. Since then you have suffered through 127 posts ranging from top notch to trash compactor quality. Some of my favorites:

Blueberry Burgers
Chilled Melon Soup Shots
Sour Cream Sugar Cookies
Curried Sweet Potato Latkes
Rosemary Pears on Flatbread with Fresh Mozzarella
Shrimp with Green Chile and Pumpkin Seed Sauce
Grilled Cornish Game Hens with Peach Something-or-Other
Garden Peach Margaritas
Chicken Cashew Chili
Chocolate Pumpkin Truffles
Wasabi Crusted Chicken Breasts stuffed with Apples, Honey, and Curry
Make Up Your Mind Apple, Blueberry, Banana, Whole-Wheat Muffins
Sweet Potato Soup with Orange Creme Fraiche
Apple Pie Ice cream Sandwiches
Slow-Braised Pork with Grapes and Balsamic
Green Tea Chicken Pasta
Beer Pancakes


I also caused a bunch of people to cover their eyes (and then light a cigarette) with my submission to Sugar High Friday.


I've discovered that I really enjoy this food blogging business. I can return to my archives and pull out electronic recipe cards for past dishes that I've been happy with. That was the motivation which lead me to start this site, a virtual Adderall pill to help control my kitchen ADD.

But over the last few months, I've slowly tapered off from posting as often as I did in the beginning. Initially I was averaging around 10 or 11 posts each month, and often times more. That average has fallen like a soggy cake to roughly 5 or 6 posts per month. Our life is blessedly full and I find myself juggling various pastimes in the precious free time I find. My poor little blog often sits...and waits...alone and sad like a courtesan with the clap.



I sat down recently and lamented the fact that I hadn't been as diligent in writing down my kitchen creations and photographing the results. I opened my blog document folder and discovered a handful of recipes that were never posted.

Yay! I've discovered some filler!




I grilled these lobster tails last month. It would be the first time I'd introduced the delicate meat of lobster to the brutal flame of the grill and I was a bit wary of producing lobster meat that was overcooked and tough. A low fire and careful vigilance paid off. The meat was so butter-soft that I could have sucked it out of the tail in one inhalation. The exotic butter worked perfectly and provided an interesting flavor that broke the simple drawn butter habit. Bingo! Another "keeper" for the files.

GRILLED LOBSTER WITH CHIPOTLE-LIME BUTTER
Inspired by a recipe on Epicurious

4, 6 oz lobster tails

1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 cup butter, melted
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 TBS fresh lime juice
1 tsp finely minced canned chipotle chilies, plus a touch of the adobo sauce from the can
1 tsp grated lime zest
2 TBS chopped fresh cilantro
touch of salt to taste

Prepare butter by combining all ingredients, except for lobster, until well emulsified. Add additional adobo sauce from canned chipotle chilies to taste, being careful not to make the butter so hot as to overwhelm the delicate lobster flavor.




Prepare outdoor grill and heat to medium temperature. Place lobster tails on work surface, shell side down. Using heavy shears, cut away most of the thin shell on underside of tail, exposing the meat. Use a sharp knife to loosen meat away from shell slightly, but do not remove. Use a pastry brush to slather butter mixture into tails well. Try to brush butter down the insides of the lobster shell as far as you can. Coat all the lobster meat very generously as butter will run off during grilling. Run a skewer down length of tail so that they do not curl while cooking. Place tails on grill, meat side down and cook for just about a minute or two. Turn lobster over so that the meat side is now up. Continue cooking until lobster meat has just turned opaque in the thickest portion of the tail. Brush additional butter over lobster if needed while grilling. Total cooking will likely be less than 10 minutes. Take care not to overcook. Remove and serve immediately.

Monday, June 18, 2007

GRILLED TUNA SALAD WITH ORANGE & BASIL VINAIGRETTE

Ed's mother' celebrated a very special birthday yesterday. His father chartered a private yacht to host a party for the entire family (yayyy Pops!). We pulled out of the slip at 5 pm and began to eat. Then we ate some more. Then we drank. Then we drank some more. We ate again. And again. And again. Then we had birthday cake. Not one, but two. By 8 pm I felt ill, and not because of any rough water. This weeks dining is going to be light and healthy.


Here we are at the start of the evening.



Here I am after returning. Oh, you can't see me because they used
my bloated body as the anchor and threw me overboard.




So tonight I was highly motivated to venture into the fish arena once again. A favorite restaurant serves a salad with melons, berries, figs and a light lemon vinaigrette. It inspired me to make a summery salad with an orange/basil dressing, topped with seared tuna.

Hot Damn! Here's a fish preparation that I LOVED! *Seriously good news if you recall my previous relationships with gilled creatures.

I used enough ingredients for two salads. The dressing below makes more dressing than you'll need but should keep in the fridge for a bit. I may try the dressing with some grilled chicken tomorrow night, or perhaps even over some sauteed shrimp.




fresh tuna steak
olive oil (enough to coat fish)
salt and pepper or spicy dry rub mixture
salad greens (I used red lettuce and spinach)
cucumbers, sliced
cantaloupe, sliced into bite size pieces

Heat grill until very hot. Coat tuna with olive oil and season with salt and pepper, or sprinkle lightly with a dry rub spice mixture or herbs of your choice. Place fish on greased rack on grill and sear until desired doneness. Thickness of tuna will determine cooking time, I prefer just barely cooked through (I know, an abomination to tuna lovers) but Ed prefers his just seared on the outside and still raw in the center (perhaps a minute per side). Remove from grill and allow to cool slightly. Place salad greens, cucumbers and cantaloupe (would be great with strawberries or other melons too) on plates, cube tuna and add to salad. Toss with Orange & Basil Vinaigrette.


Orange & Basil Vinaigrette
*these measurements are approximate-adjust for your taste

2 TBS chopped fresh ginger root (use less if you're not a fan of ginger)
2 cloves garlic
pinch of coarse salt
1/4 cup finely minced fresh basil
1/2 cup orange juice
1/4 cup olive oil
1 TBS orange zest
2 TBS balsamic vinegar
cracked black pepper to taste

Mash garlic, ginger root and coarse salt with mortar and pestle. Add mashed garlic mixture to small covered container or jar. Add remaining ingredients and shake or blend well.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

THE UNDEAD SHALL RISE UP (WITHOUT YEAST)

Things go bad. It happens. It's expected. The process of dying, including the eventual act of death itself, is not a pink-hued aspect of life that most of us relish. We generally try to keep the eternal slumber at arms distance and out of our daily consciousness. That is, unless you become a captive member of a "Deal or No Deal" television audience in which case sudden death would be welcomed and probably evenly actively solicited. But in the recesses of our minds we understand that death is normal, natural and even critical to the evolution of the world.

Creative playwrights, authors and screenwriters have dared to imagine the miracle of life, devoid of the finality of death. The concept has been termed "zombie," "undead" and "Martha Stewart. " Who amongst us doesn't remember a sleepless night in our childhood hatched from lingering images of television monsters? I can still see the glowing, unblinking eyes of Jimmy Swaggart peering into my soul from the depth of my closet.

AAAaaaaaghghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

My modern day night terrors arise not from images filmed on a Warner Brothers' stage or from a stump speech delivered by a Republican hopeful, but rather from what appeared to be a package of UNDEAD TORTILLAS!






I purchased these tortilla wraps on Monday, June 11. I'm just guessing, but I imagined that the process of manufacturing and delivering to my store took at least a few days. A "sell by" date of August 30 meant that these tortillas were guaranteed fresh for upwards of 50 days. The ingredients listed are:

Water, oat fiber, whole wheat flour, vital wheat gluten, soy flour, high fructose corn syrup, oats, sunflower seeds, millet, cracked flax seeds, extra virgin olive oil, brown rice flour, baking powder, guar gum, citric acid, L-cysteine, sea salt, cracked wheat, lactic adic, cultured wheat starch, sorbic acid, calcium propionate

I found myself scratching my head (and not because my scalp was dry). I penned the following letter to the La Tortilla Factory:


June 12, 2007

Dear La Tortilla Factory:

I've purchased and enjoyed your company's Multi Grain Wraps for some time. Just yesterday I purchased a package and noticed something for the first time -- the expiration date. I was somewhat shocked to notice that the package of tortillas I was buying boasted a "sell by" date of 8-30-07. That date falls a full 50 days from the date I purchased them. I can only assume that the package was produced, packaged and shipped from Santa Rosa to Burbank, CA, (where I purchased them) at least a few days prior to that.

I am a home cook and not a professional manufacturer of baked goods. However, I am puzzled over the possibility that a product containing wheat grains, sunflower seeds and olive oil can still be considered fresh and saleable close to two months after it was produced. Do the preservative agents added to your product keep molds from forming for this length of time? Does the packaging play a major role in keeping freshness intact? Can a consumer expect that an opened package of wraps will continue to be fresh until the date stamped on the bag, or is that date only promoting the last advisable date for an outlet to sell the product?

I would not categorize myself as someone who is constantly hyper-vigilant and alarmed by the use of preservative agents in packaged goods. However, I do find myself rather shocked to realize that I could unknowingly purchase tortillas that have been sitting on a store shelf for close to two months time. I would be greatly appreciative of any feedback you could provide me with regard to these issues.

Kind Regards,
Kevin Smalley, Los Angeles CA



This morning I received their response:


Hi Kevin,

Thank you for taking the time to send in your comment; and I hope I can address each of your questions below.

Our products have been especially formulated and produced in a clean environment so to assure taste, flexibility, and freshness for up to 90 days. Our tortillas usually arrive at the within 3-14 days of baking in the So Cal area and are stored in refrigeration until placed on a store shelf for consumer purchase. As long as they are kept at room temperature in the stores and at home, then they perform well throughout the duration of the code date.

The preservatives added are mold inhibitors and are used to maintain freshness. The bag does add to product freshness in that the package can be opened and closed without drying the product or exposing it too much air. We do guarantee freshness though the date on the bag. I personally store my tortillas in the refrigerator; I think it keeps them fresher longer.

If you’d like to; visit our website to look at the “Eye on the Bay” video, you’ll get an idea of the environment we’re manufacturing in. If you have any further questions, please feel free to respond or contact me directly at the number below. If you’d like to try some of our other products, replay with your mailing address and we’ll get some coupons to you.

Again, thank you for taking the time to inquire; please know that responses like this are shared with our Research & Development and Quality groups for further knowledge of what our customers want.

Sincerely...


90 DAYS!

Okay, I'm not a chemist or food additive expert so my thoughts here simply reflect the musings of an average consumer. However, I am still rather uneasy with the idea of these perishable ingredients sitting on my counter for just shy of two months and still being given the stamp of approval from their manufacturer, much less 90 days (did I mention 90 DAYS?). What the hell am I putting into my body?

As I stated in my email to the company, I don't generally consider myself to be a card-carrying member of the food police, outing companies who stuff our packaged foods with chemicals that aren't even pronounceable to most people without advanced college degrees in chemistry. I generally don't cook with too many packaged foods because I understand that a list of ingredients longer than a transcript of "The View" isn't a desirable thing. Also, most pre-prepared foods just don't taste that great. Ed hates this because when he gets the desire to snack on something there are no easy quick snacks available--just lots of real "ingredients."

So what's a guy to do? Let's be real, I don't have time to make everything from scratch. I like tortillas. I'm not planning on giving them up. Coincidentally, I did make some homemade tortillas the other night using whole wheat, corn and green chilies. They were rather rustic, but the flavor was amazing. Perhaps this is the very reason that so many people choose not to examine what they drop into their grocery carts. Am I to assume that the USFDA (or whichever agency is charged with this responsibility) has studied the effects of these preservatives and concluded that they are harmless beyond any shadow of doubt? Isn't jarred peanut butter, packaged ground beef, toothpaste and dog food also proclaimed safe?

I think it's reasons such as these that the Slow Food movement seems to be gaining such strength. As a country we've been ignoring food for generations, sticking or heads further and further into the sand. A fantastic discussion about our addiction to prepared foods broiled recently on David Lebovitz's blog. It is difficult, even for people who enjoy cooking, to reduce their dependency on pre-packaged food. But this really sounds like an instance where ignorance is not bliss.

I am slowly edging closer to the food police recruiting office.

I hear its siren song.

And I believe that tortillas should die in far less than 90 days.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

OFF "THE WAGON" AND ON "THE BANDWAGON"



The Michelada.

It's been earning more blog attention lately than wayward hotel heiress' with A.D.D. Matt recited his nuptials with ease thanks to them (okay, maybe his cool spouse to be had more to do with it, but please allow it for this blog post) , Sean broke out his finest crystal glasses for an icy batch, Cameron and Anita are married with Micheladas, The Washington Post listed it as a "offbeat" hangover cure, and Steve thinks they are good enough for "Dinner."

I loved the idea of icy beer with spicy pepper tones but my first sampling left me...well, thirsty for something better. The salty rim was welcomed (I could suck the salt out of a fish through its gills) and the lingering heat was nice. But somehow the Worcestershire sauce didn't seem to mesh like I imagined it would. Now in fairness, there are more recipes for Micheladas floating around than there are kinds of beer. I decided to give it another go. Just call me selfless.

The standard recipe calls for a Mexican beer, lime, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, and possibly Maggi seasoning. The Internet brings a thousand and one variations on the recipe including recipes made with tomato juice, V-8, Clamato (!), and even a pinch of ground black pepper on top. My feeling was that the beer needed something smoky, with some backbone to hold up to the spicy sauces. I surfed across the perfect additive:

Tequila!

It seems like such a natural in this drink. I found some recipes that called for almost one part tequila to two parts beer, which to me is venturing dangerously into margarita territory. Also, it seems that this drink should be light and refreshing, with a subtle warmth and cozy throat feel. Spiking it heavily with tequila seems to infringe upon its relaxing Sunday afternoon drink status and instead takes it to the realm of Saturday night's inebriation. I thought I'd give it a go with just a light-handed tequila splash.

To one highball glass (with salted rim) I added:

Ice
The juice of one small lime (Persian--not Key lime)
8 drops of hot sauce
6 drops Worcestershire sauce
A splash of tequila (a quarter of a shot)

Then I filled the glass with cold Corona beer.


Meh.


I just don't get it. I want to like this drink but something just doesn't jive. The tequila is definitely a welcome addition--far better with than without. But, the flavors just don't harmonize like I imagine they might. There is an essence of something...off. It's like the one idiot who drowns himself in cologne and then heads to a nightclub--adding a thin layer of pollution to the air and ruining it for everyone. Maybe I haven't hit the right proportions. Maybe I just don't like the drink. I think if I want a beer, I'll order one. And it will stay in the bottle with nothing else.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

FRESH & EASY ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD! No, not like that...





Hollywood has seen plenty of big disasters:


Rosie O'Donnell

Omarosa

Tom Cruise

On the Lot

Mischa Barton

Basic Instinct 2

David Hasselhoff

and of course, Acme Instant Food's "Online Cooking Classes for the Amish"

Adding to the list of the Tinseltown damned is the Galaxy Theater complex on Hollywood Boulevard. Not even throngs of Hawaiian shirt-wearing, popcorn-munching tourists snapping shots of tarnished stars on the Walk of Fame which runs past its doors, could manage to make this theater a happening place. It quietly closed its curtains forever (and almost nobody noticed).




I opened my email this morning to find the following notice, distributed through our local neighborhood webmaster.

Taken from Bob Eicholz's letter to residents of Outpost Estates:

You heard it here first! Strong rumor has it that very soon, the empty lower space in the long-struggling Galaxy complex (now owned by CIM, who also bought Hollywood and Highland) will feature a grocery store called "Fresh and Easy" from Tesco. If you've spent time in the UK, you probably know Tesco well. Like Trader Joes, instead of stocking 100 varieties of each product, they carry one or two good ones (who needs 100 kinds of ketchup?). They also carry lots of fresh prepared foods for folks like me who want something fresh and healthy for dinner, but who don't have time to fix it...and don't want the salt and fat -laden frozen dinners or deli prepared foods at traditional supermarkets. Beyond that, Tesco attempts to be "green" in everything they do. From windows to solar panels to recycling, they are trying to do their part. Which brings me back to Hollywood: City leaders are trying to contain their excitement about the pending Tesco opening. But the secret's getting out. In my book, this is great news for Hollywood.


Now, I've not spent even a minute in the UK. The closest I've been is spotting Tracy Ullman driving down Burbank Blvd. Needless to say I am not familiar with Tesco or their stores. But I am enthralled with the idea of such a store opening up within a few minute drive from my house.

Who knows about these stores?


Should I be buying some Hawaiian shirts?



Monday, June 04, 2007

BALSAMIC ONION RELISH


I firmly believe that onions are one of nature's perfect foods. I rank them right up there along with bacon, In N' Out Burgers, Peeps and Topher Grace.

You just can't go wrong with onions. When they are raw and fresh they have an enviable savory crunch. What good is a burger, a bowl of chili, or even a hot dog without a liberal dose of raw onions? I would hesitate to adorn a Peep with onions, but I'd eat them off Topher Grace's abs if given the chance. I embarrass myself at El Pollo Locco, where I spoon pounds of crisp, chopped raw onions into my grilled chicken tacos, dragging the serving spoon across the depths of the depleted onion container in a not-so-subtle request for a refill. Is that too much to ask from you El Pollo Loccoans?

Cooking liberates their orbital rings into a sweetly caramelized state. I think I still remember when I first tried a juicy rib-eye steak, draped with mounds of grilled onion rings sautéed in butter. Such bliss! And of course grilling them removes the potent dragon-breath that can accompany a raw onion eating spree which makes cooked onions much more suitable for eating in polite company. However, my onion romance is so strong that I don't categorize most people I find myself dining with as "polite company." Perhaps if the Queen of England ever requests the presence of my company at El Pollo Locco for some dried-out chicken breast, I'll skip the onions for Her Majesty.

ONION TIPS:

* To chop onions with less teary-eyed side effects, make sure that the knife you use is razor sharp. Duller knives will effectively "mash" the onions dispelling more of their juices into the air.

* If using only part of an onion, do not peel the papery skin and slice off the portion you desire. The remaining portion will last longer with the skin on.

* If you have the lingering smell on onions on your fingers after peeling, slicing, dicing, whatever, DON'T waste hard earned green on this gadget. You can get the same effect from rubbing your hands on a stainless steel sink, bottom of a stainless steel pot, or across Topher Grace's abs. And yes, it works (although it might annoy Topher) . You can also sprinkle a generous amount of baking soda on your hands, add a touch of water and then rub your hands together like Lady MacBeth. Rinse, and all odors shall vanish down the drain!

* Sweet onions like Vidalia and Mayans have a higher water content and will not last as long as other varieties. If they feel soft or carry a strong odor when unpeeled they have probably skidded past their prime.


I recently cooked up this onion relish to accompany some grilled burgers. I was inspired by the burgers served with onion relish I recently tried at The Village Idiot on Melrose, a great pub-like spot that may become this blogger's new favorite local watering hole. I don't know their recipe, but I expanded the basic onion/balsamic flavor with a teensy touch of rosemary and garlic.

I could eat it with a spoon. Oh yeah, I think I did.




BALSAMIC ONION RELISH
*amounts are approximate--adjust to suit your taste

2 large sweet onions, chopped (I used Mayans)
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tsp olive oil (you might need a touch more)
1 TBS brown sugar
1+ tsp fresh rosemary, chopped
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
few pinches of salt

Heat oil in large heavy skillet. Add onions and garlic and stir to coat with the oil. Reduce heat to medium and cook, stirring occasionally, until onions soften. Reduce heat to medium-low and be careful not to brown the onions. Continue cooking and stirring until onions are very limp and have given up most of their water (roughly 30 minutes). Add a touch more oil if the pan becomes dry. Add brown sugar, rosemary and vinegar to skillet and continue cooking and stirring until most vinegar is absorbed and mixture is a deep brown color. Taste and add a few pinches of salt to finish. The finished relish should be very fragrant and the onions should be very soft, yielding very easily to the back of a spoon. Total cooking time should be between 35-45 minutes.

Let cool and serve with burgers, a favorite sandwich, or... (let me know what you do with it!).