SOMETHING ABOUT MERCURY...

I hold a record that I'm very proud of. Err...I held a record that is. In all the years of toting a cell phone I've never broken, smashed, flushed or lost one. Everyone I know has run to the store for a replacement when something goes haywire or the phone gets mysteriously dropped into a fish tank. Mine have always endured until my contract allows for a new one at which time the old phone goes into a drawer someplace to gather dust. Until the other day...



I was rushing to print out some document when my printer ink cartridge ran out. I installed a new one to discover it was defective, leaving only smeary half-tone streaks across the paper.





Later that same day, Ed was returning home from work and was involved in a four-car pile-up, sending a potentially drunk driver to the hospital on a stretcher. He left four severely mangled cars and deployed airbags in his wake. Most thankfully, Ed walked away with just a headache and trash bags holding the remains of his car.


But it gets worse folks. So much worse.

This is my highly prized chocolate almond biscotti.

Or I should say this is how my highly prized chocolate almond biscotti came out the other day! This is the exact recipe and technique that I used last year during the holidays. I probably made about 30 lbs of the stuff and every batch came out beautifully.

I started wondering why everything in my life was suddenly crumbling (literally) all around me. I began to wonder if Homeland Security agents had targeted me as a terrorist and were implementing new strategies to drive me from the country.

Someone casually commented on all of the above by saying, "You know why this happened, don't you?" I stared with incredulous eyes, wondering what insight into my life she held. She continued by saying, "Mercury is in retrograde!"

I don't think Mercury had much to do with any of this. I do think perhaps the mercury in my oven's thermometer has gone bezerk.