A SPICY, AFRICAN RUB FOR YOUR MEAT

Okay, how many of you got here by Googling some specific type of exotic massage? Raise your hand. You are disappointed as all hell, right? Don't leave! This yummy, spicy rub is exotic, sensual and it'll perk up your meat.

I used this on some tilapia and it was delicious. I believe you could apply this dry seasoning rub to beef, chicken, pork or fish and since I made a sizeable batch, I have plenty to experiment with.



Mix all of the following together:

1 TBS sweet paprika
1 TBS smoked paprika
2 tsp cracked black pepper
1 TBS toasted sesame seeds
2 tsp toasted cumin
1 TBS ground ginger
1 TBS crushed red pepper flakes
2 tsp ground tumeric
1 TBS dry mustard
1 tsp ground nutmeg
2 tsp ground allspice
1 tsp cayenne pepper
2 tsp salt
1 TBS sugar


For my talapia, I combined a few drops of pure orange oil (potent stuff) with some olive oil and brushed the oil mixture over my fish. Sprinkle the rub over the talapia and rub to coat well.

I placed a well-seasoned cast iron skillet over my outdoor grill until VERY hot and then added the fish. I slugged down a smoked martini and then carefully flipped the fish and finished cooking. The super hot skillet sears the fish and it is cooked before you can say "Wow, I think I'm drunk from that martini." Be careful not to overcook. Also, be careful not to fall face forward into your skillet.

I served this with chilled, diced cucumber that I tossed with rice-wine vinegar and a dash of sugar.

CURRIED SWEET POTATO LATKAS

The difference between sweet potatoes and yams has always escaped me. My fuzzy understanding was that yams were an African crop and sweet potatoes were their cousins from the southern United States. I decided to hit the internet for some sweet potato education but it only confused me more. What I surmised is that there is technically a slight difference between true yams and sweet potatoes, but in the U.S. you'll never really find more than two domestically produced crops whose differences aren't much more than the color of the flesh and shape of the root.

Who cares? I love em either way. Sweet potatoes are solid packages bursting with beta-carotene, vitamins A, B6, C, copper, maganese, iron, and fiber. Eat some today and make your mother proud. A favorite recipe calls for brushing them with olive oil, grilling them until they develop that sweet golden brown color, mixing with chopped cilantro, corn, cumin, onion and a splash lime juice. It makes an amazing summer salad. Pour some wine and be happy.

The WORST task for any cook is peeling potatoes! KILL ME ALREADY!!!


My partner doesn't cook. He comes from a long line of non-cooking Jewish people. Before I met him he would often be spotted in the El Pollo Loco drive-through on his way home from a day of work. His mother is adept at making reservations and stuffing her closet full of boutique purchases. Her kitchen counters are filled with gorgeous orchids, photos and knick-knacks. This is the sign of a good Jewish mother who understands how damaging cooking can be to a fine manicure.

However, all good Jewish people have some innate skill for a few good Jewish basics. The mother-in-law makes one mighty fine brisket! It is fascinating to witness this transformation that occurs at Passover. It's like a cellular memory thing kicks in.

It was during a Jewish holiday that I got my first taste of real latkas. I'm not talking about the crappy "potato pancake" things you can order at IHOP at 3 am to kill time and sober up. Real latkas are crispy on the outside and soft and yielding on the inside. I knew that I would have to try and make them.

I found a recipe that worked and suddenly I was making latkas whenever I could. They are actually super simple. I'm hooked. But being the Gemini that I am, I needed change and started looking into various types of latkas. This recipe for curried sweet potato latkas is flavorful and a fun varation of a latka.

I served these with some grilled tilapia with a spicy rub and some sesamee cucumber salad. The mildy Asian flavors worked well together. For the next batch I will probably pump up the spices a bit and add some grated fresh ginger.



CURRIED SWEET POTATO LATKAS taken from Epicurious

1 lb sweet potatoes, peeled (ugh) and grated coarsely (hire the neighbor's kid to peel em)
2 tsp sugar
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp brown sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp cayenne powder
2 tsp curry powder (Be adventurous and use more...)
1 tsp cumin (ditto on the cumin)
salt and pepper to taste
2 large eggs, beaten
1/2 cup milk (approx.)
Canola oil for frying

Combine flour, sugar, brown sugar, baking powder, cayenne pepper, curry powder, cumin and salt and pepper in a large bowl. Add eggs and just enough of the milk to make a stiff batter. Add the potatoes and mix. Resulting batter should be moist but not runny.

Heat 1/4 inch of oil in heavy skillet until hot. Drop batter into skillet in 1 to 1 tablespoon sized dobs and flatten. Fry over medium-high heat until golden on each side. Check frequently as sugars will brown quickly. Drain on paper towels and serve hot.

GRILLED CORN AND SHRIMP SALAD

Happy Summer Solstice!

Mid-Summer is said to be a mystical time when the forces of magic are increased and fairies roam our world. As portrayed in Shakespeare's A Mid-summer Night's Dream it is a night of romance and confusion. It is also the time when the powers of light are at their grandest. Whoever thinks fairies only roam our world on this day has never been to West Hollywood.

I love the longest day of the year. Daisy Buchanan in The Great Gatsby, comments on how she waits for the longest day of the year, but always misses it. When she realizes it's approaching, she ponders what to wear. What a moron.

In ancient Sweden a midsummer tree was set up and decorated in each town to celebrate the summer solstice. The villagers danced around it. Women and girls would customarily bathe in the local river. This was a magical ritual, intended to bring rain for the crops.

I thought for a brief moment about dancing in Griffith Park and then going down to bathe in the L.A. River. Instead, I stopped at Pavilions and purchased supplies for this salad.


GRILLED CORN AND SHRIMP SALAD adapted from a recipe on Epicurious

3 ears of corn
1/4 cup (scant) olive oil, plus additional for brushing on corn and shrimp
1/2 lb medium shrimp
1/2 sweet onion, chopped fine
1 jalapeno pepper, minced
1/4 cup loosely packed cilantro, chopped
3 tbs. fresh lemon juice
1 tbs. white wine vinegar
salt & pepper

Spinach or salad greens

Brush the corn with some olive oil and grill until corn browns and just starts to blister. Cool. Cut kernels from cobs and place corn into bowl.

Brush shrimp with olive oil and grill until just cooked through. Add shrimp along with onion, jalapeno and cilantro to the bowl with the corn.

In a separate bowl combine lemon juice, 1/4 cup (scant) olive oil, vinegar and salt and pepper to taste. Pour dressing over the corn mixture and stir until coated. Place spinach or salad greens on plates and spoon corn and shrimp mixture into center. Enjoy!

**As I am partial to heat from chilis as well as from the sun, I might try this with some diced chipotle chilis and some of the adobo sauce from the can.

STRAWBERRY PESTO

Once a sorry lad carrying a chocolate bar (could it have been David Lebovitz?) ran smack into another gent holding a cup of peanut butter. Actually, David appreciates quality chocolate too much to be so careless in its presence. And no, I don't understand why some dope was hanging out in public with a cup of peanut butter. That's not important here anyway, it's just how Madison Avenue tells the story of how Reese's Peanut Butter Cups were born.

Clotilde, of Chocolate and Zucchini fame, also has a story for how her strawberry pesto was born. It was merely because a scant amount of basil sent her searching for some filler to stretch her pesto.

Let me tell you, her result is good!

The strawberry doesn't show up like an uninvited guest in the pesto. It imparts an almost ethereal flavor and perfume, while allowing the basil to assume its usual center-stage position. Offer some to guests without revealing the secret ingredient. They will not guess strawberries. Even on close examination, the pesto is a cool green, only resplendent with minute flecks of pink.

'Nuff said. Eat some.


STRAWBERRY PESTO recipe courtesy of Clotilde Dusoulier of Chocolate and Zucchini


Pesto Fraise Basilic
1/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan
1/3 cup whole blanched almonds, toasted
A small handful (about 1/3 cup) fresh basil leaves
5 small strawberries (or 3 large), hulled [be sure to use fragrant and full-flavored strawberries: if they're a bit bland, I'm quite sure they'll get lost in the battle]
2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and freshly ground pepper

Makes about 1/2 cup (the recipe can be doubled).

Combine the Parmesan, almonds, and basil in a mixer or blender, and process in short pulses until the mixture forms a paste. Add the strawberries and olive oil, season with salt and pepper, and mix until smooth. Taste and adjust the seasoning. Transfer into a jar, close tightly, refrigerate, and use within a few days.

Use in sandwiches, on canapés and crostini, toss with pasta, etc

EGGPLANT INVOLTINI

I didn't tell her this, but my friend Cindy saved me yesterday. This began a few days ago when I read a Nigella Lawson recipe for what she calls, "Soft and Sharp Involtini" and it set off the drooling mechanism in my mouth. It's a rich southern Italian dish consisting of fried eggplant slices wrapped around a filling of basil, pine nuts, breadcrumbs, garlic and cheeses. Soon, I found myself in the kitchen feeling selfish as I unloaded two beautifully colored eggplants from their grocery sacks.

The only problem is that Ed hates eggplant. How was I going to pull this off? Food guilt sucks. Does this ever happen to anyone else?

As luck would have it, he announced he was making a quick drive up the coast to visit his son who is attending college in Santa Barbara. Problem solved! Ed leaves, Cindy arrives, eggplant is served and the world is a beautiful place.

My finished product was markedly different from Nigella's. I grilled the eggplant slices on the outdoor grill and created a sauce of fresh tomatoes, balsamic, garlic and onions that cooked down on the stove for an eternity. I also added brown rice and sausage to the stuffing. I did include a dash of cinnamon and decided that the next go-round will include cayenne instead of cinnamon.

Ingredient measurements provided are approximate. I tend to cook with "handfulls" and "scatters" as opposed to proper teaspoons or cups. Some day, I will learn.

EGGPLANT "INVOLTINI"

1 medium onion, coarsely chopped
3 large tomatoes, coarsely chopped
5 cloves garlic, peeled and mashed
2 tbs olive oil
1 tbs balsamic vinegar
cracked pepper to taste

1 large eggplant
2 sweet Italian sausages, removed from casings and browned
3/4 cup cooked brown rice
1/2 cup chopped pistachios
1/4 cup+ crumbled goat cheese
few sprigs chopped fresh oregano
tiny pinch cinnamon (optional--I'll omit next time and add cayenne)
1/2 cup mozzarella cheese, chopped into bite sized pieces

Combine onion, garlic and oil in a saucepan and cook and stir over medium heat until onions begin to soften. Don't allow mixture to burn. Lower heat and add tomatoes and balsamic. Cover with a vented lid and simmer until reduced into a thick, rich sauce, approximately 45 minutes. Set aside.

Slice eggplant lengthwise into large, flat slices that are 3/4 inch thick. Brush slices with olive oil and grill just until softened and grill marks appear. Remove from grill, cover and set aside.


To create the stuffing mix, combine crumbled, browned sausage, rice, goat cheese, oregano, cinnamon (or cayenne if desired) and mix well. Lay a slice of cooked eggplant on counter with the largest end close to you. Scoop an appropriate sized "ball" of the stuffing mix in your hand and squeeze lightly to compact the mixture. Place the ball of stuffing on the near end of the eggplant and then roll up eggplant away from you to enclose the filling. Set the eggplant bundle in a small greased baking dish. Repeat with remaining slices of eggplant. I produced about five eggplant bundles and had a smidgen of filling left over.


Pour tomato sauce over stuffed eggplant. Dot the top with bite-sized pieces of mozzarella. Pop into 400-degree oven for approximately 20 minutes, or until sauce is bubbly and cheese has melted thoroughly.

Once again, I forgot to snap a picture of the finished product. I was either excited to finally taste this, or maybe it was the champagne Cindy brought over, or maybe a combination of both. Imagine a gorgeous bubbly dish of rich, slow-cooked tomatoes and stringy melted cheese topping the striped eggplant bundles. This will be a dish that I experiment with in the future. I could possibly make it using grilled zucchini slices, although the bundles will be small and harder to keep the filling from spilling out, but it won't be the end of the world. I might also nix the sausage and instead, add a layer of proscuitto over the eggplant/zucchini/whatever wrapper before rolling up. This a definite keeper in my recipe arsenal.

AMERICAN RYE

*with sincere apologies to Don McLean for this entire post*

The only action happening in my kitchen lately comes from a small piece of begonia stuffed into a shot glass full of water, slowly rooting on the counter. While I muster up the time and creativity to once again wield a spatula, I offer you the following.

*Sung to the tune of "American Pie" (oh come on, you know..."bye bye Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry...) That's the one!

AMERICAN RYE

Not such a long time ago,
I stopped at the Deli, and I spied some pastrami with glee.
And I knew that as soon as I had a chance,
That pastrami would make my taste buds dance,
And maybe, I'd be happy, for a while…

Don't you think that I'd have half a brain,
But my common sense went down the drain.
I got home and saw my mistake!
Can you believe I forgot the rye?
I screamed and waved my fists at the sky.
And can anyone tell me how long rye takes to bake?

Well I opened the freezer in the hope
That some previous day I had stashed a loaf.
My fingers started turning blue.
Man all that ice was stuck together like glue!

I was a frenzied man running amuck.
Pastrami without rye bread sure sucks,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day my sandwich died.

(Chorus)
I started singin'
Why, oh why can't I find some rye?
Found this chicken, it's been stickin' to the freezer light.
Well, that explains why the inside's black as night.
Singing, My pastrami is no good without rye!
My sandwich is nothin' without rye!

Now for a good hour I've been diggin' deep,
Finding food there is no reason to keep.
I have to clean this freezer soon.
How does that TV hostess make it look so nice?
It's just not possible to prevent this buildup of ice.
I want to send Martha to the moon.

I think that I laid down and cried,
When I found blueberries, all wrinkled and dried,
Gray hamburger, chicken nuggets too.
Man, how did all these peas get loose?

Oh, and while I was on my mission,
The dog came in and aroused my suspicion.
I leapt from the freezer with rage
And shut that dog in his cage.
With my head in the freezer trying not to cry,
That beast decided that he would try,
And ate my pastrami sans the rye
The day my sandwich died.

(Chorus)
I started singin'
Why, oh why can't I find some rye?
Found this chicken, it's been stickin' to the freezer light.
Well, that explains why the inside's black as night.
Singing, My pastrami is no good without rye!
My sandwich is nothin' without rye!

STUFFED TURKEY TENDERLOIN and CORN MUFFINS WITH SMOKED PAPRIKA

I don't have any talent for photographing food. My photos of meat (beef, chicken, pork or African wildebeest) , turn out grey and well…dead looking. I realize that most meat entrees placed on the dining table come from creatures who have moved on to more peaceful pastures. It's best that way as I hate the sound of guests screaming after the hors d'oeuvres are cleared. But why is it that other photographers can photograph meat in a way that makes it appetizing, juicy and fresh looking?

Annie Leibovitz could probably do it. Herb Ritts and Robert Maplethorpe most likely could do it while they themselves were breathing. I know for sure they produced vibrant, sexy photographs of living creatures. And some of Maplethrope's work leads me to believe that he quite likely had some photos of dead flesh stashed somewhere and it probably was damn artistic.

Even though this stuffed turkey tenderloin has a sickly pallor, it was still rather tasty.


I tossed this item together very fast one evening, not stopping to measure ingredients. It is a somewhat odd pairing of flavors, but I was feeling adventurous and the result was palatable. Here is the recipe presented as a rather loose blueprint.

STUFFED TURKEY TENDERLOINS

turkey tenderloins (why are there always two of ANY tenderloin in a package?)
goat cheese
dried currants
chopped, toasted pistachios
sun-dried tomato pesto (I used Trader Joes of course. They are hot on the heels of Disney for world domination.)

fresh cracked pepper

I butterflied the tenderloins, and pounded them out to approximately a ¾" thickness. The cheese, currants, pistachios and pesto were mixed together in roughly equal amounts and spread over 2/3 of the tenderloins. Pepper was cracked over the top of the filling mixture. Ideally, I would have rolled up the tenderloin jelly-roll style. However, I was pressed for time and simply folded the tenderloin in half, securing edges with toothpicks to shorten the cooking time. I seared the stuffed tenderloins in a skillet over high heat, approximately 3 to 4 minutes per side. They were transferred to a 400 degree oven in a casserole dish to finish cooking until just barely done and no longer pink inside. Let stand. Slice across the grain and serve.

This recipe was just okay. In the future I might eliminate the pistachios (or substitute pine nuts) and add some cooked brown rice to the filling.


CORN MUFFINS WITH SMOKED PAPRIKA

Again, a super-fast, on-the-fly kind of improvised recipe.

1 box Jiffy corn bread mix
1 heaping tablespoon sugar
1 tsp+ smoked paprika
4 slices pancetta, cut into small pieces
3 slices low-fat swiss cheese, torn into bite-sized pieces

Prepare corn bread as directed on package with the addition of the sugar and paprika. Fold pancetta and cheese into batter. Fill greased muffin cups 2/3 full with batter and bake according to package directions. This would also be great with the addition of some grilled corn kernels.

MADONNA'S DISCOFIED FRENCH TOAST

*Warning, the following contains spoilers to the "Confessions" concert. Not that you really give a crap. Besides, you have probably seen your evening network news spend more time on the subject than it deserves. But in the spirit of geekiness I thought it would be cool to have a disclaimer at the top of a post.



The Material Girl still knows how to Get Into the Groove and party like it's a Holiday. It appears she's learned a few new tricks too. She emerges out of her giant, electrified, techno disco ball like a modern day Glenda the Good Witch. But she appears to be riding on a breeze straight from the Borderline of West Hollywood or San Francisco's Castro more than Munchkinland. And where we were sitting, the breeze was scented with wafts of fragrant marijuana smoke. Papa Don't Preach 'cause it wasn't coming from us. It's an amazingly high-powered show and is Causing a Commotion.

Her Music sounded amazing. Her dancers, not just Beautiful Strangers, kept Burnin Up the dance floor. She can pull her legs over her head. Ouch. I'm sure Guy must Cherish that skill. I kept waiting to hear the snapping of not fully mended bones breaking again. Thank your Lucky Stars that they didn't.

She didn't stop to Take a Bow for a full two hours. The after images of lights emitted from and reflected off of her mirrored disco balls, massive crucifix, instruments and set are still Burnin Up my retinas this morning. The only appropriate thing to do was make a breakfast in keeping with the True Blue spirit of the previous evening.

I presented to Ed this morning, and now I present to you, "Madonna's Discofied French Toast."



Okay, it was a pretty late night so the breakfast was not extraordinary in any sense. I discovered some sliced French bread in the freezer, thawed it and dunked it in a mixture of the following: eggs, cream, cinnamon, vanilla and a splash of Grand Mariner. Soak the bread. Gayly sprinkle with candied stars and colored sprinkles. Grill it. Eat it. Follow with Tylenol and begin your Sunday.

If you are one of the many who are Hung Up on Mads (Esther???) Open Your Heart and Express Yourself with some discofied French Toast.

CHECKIN' OUT - "NIGELLA BITES"

As I was driving past the Burbank Public Library I wondered aloud, "How many people still have and actually use a library card?" The driver of the Escalade next to me replied that he didn't have a clue and then sped away as the light turned green. Next time I wonder aloud I'll be sure to have my windows rolled up. I steered into their lot and found a parking spot. Judging from the number of other cars parked there , I surmised that the answer to my question was at least more than one.

I entered the newly remodeled facility and was slightly taken aback by its size. Aisles of books stretched on seemingly forever in every direction. I decided that I should locate the cooking section and see what it offered. I wondered where I could find the computerized card catalog (you have a better term for it?) "At the end of aisle sixteen" replied a young woman wrangling two rowdy offspring. Apparently my wondering aloud is quite a habit.

With a few quick keyboard strokes I was on my way. The library did not disappoint. It held a vast array of cookbooks, both current and "vintage." Unfortunately, I could not find one "vintage" enough to solve my recipe dilemma brought on by Laura Rebecca's retro recipe challenge. "Darn you current library" I muttered.

"Ssshhhh" somebody replied.

The visit was very productive. I hobbled toward the front desk with 4 hardcover volumes promising new taste treat sensations (to borrow from ya Ed). I am especially happy with the Nigella Lawson book "Nigella Bites." I was not terribly familiar with her prior to my visit to the library. But, I think I now adore her.


It's obvious that she has fun in the kitchen, viewing cooking as entertaining, essential and relaxing. Yes, actually relaxing. Not fancy, not fussy, not complicated. She cooks with butter and cream unapologetically. She relishes comfort food and knows that dessert is non-negotiable. How can you not love someone who devotes a chapter to "Trash" food? She gets that the body and soul both receive nourishment at meal times and that the latter suffers when devouring food in the car or with haste. It's kinda like when Whoopi said how God gets upset when you walk by the color purple and don't notice (terribly obsecure reference--anybody get it?)

The first bookmarked page reads, "Soft and Sharp Involtini." It's a southern Italian dish of eggplant, garlic, cheeses, rich tomato sauce and other delights. I'm not even a huge fan of eggplant and yet, I can't wait to taste it.

The library pit stop was an excellent idea. I'll enjoy the next visit more if that schoolmarmish woman quits tailing me, admonishing me with a stream of "ssssshhhs." Sheesh at her. The next tome is "In Julia's Kitchen with Master Chefs." I can tell I'll have to get out the sherry for that one! Bon Appetit!