A COMBINATION AS BIZARRE AS HEATHER LOCKLEAR AND DAVID SPADE!

Could it be? My guy, always up on his celebrity scoops, informed me of this yesterday. It's like wwaayyyy back when Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett. He must be a dynamo in bed or something. Bizarre relationships and/or hook-ups are a sort of flame that draws us in like wayward moths. I guess I understand it; now if only someone would attempt to explain the appeal of "Deal, or No Deal" to me.

I can't actually explain why this next combination of flavors works so well, but trust me, It's amazing! I've run across different variations of this recipe repeatedly and decided to try it. I could make a meal out of these berries! The basalmic and pepper heighten the sweetness of the fruit. I'm lucky to enjoy the strawberry crops out of Oxnard right now which are absolutely fantastic just as they are when picked. I've heard though, that you can take berries which might be somewhat lacking in flavor, and kinda give them a steroid-like flavor pump.

BALSAMIC STRAWBERRIES WITH BLACK PEPPER

1 lb sliced, hulled, strawberries
1/4 cup sugar
1 3/4 tbs. balsamic vinegar (use a good quality vinegar)
scant 1/4 tsp black pepper (do not use a very coarse grind)

Simply toss the berries with the sugar and balsamic. Sprinkle black pepper over berries. Enjoy immediately, or let the berries "marinate" for an hour or two and allow the sugary, crimson juices to collect. I imagine at this point you could dump the whole thing on top of pound cake. If anybody knows either Heather or David, tell them I'd love to invite them over for some dessert.

THE TRASH COMPACTOR FILES--FIRST DUMP!

Or..."What the Hell Was I Thinking!"

Mmmmm...dessert! What makes you drool? A single, perfect, dark chocolate truffle? Or an entire pink box of decadant pecan brownies from the Ivy ? There must be something that becons you. It's sensual and tempting. Perhaps it's robed in buttery smooth chocolate. Maybe you're drawn to beautiful, ripe berries slathered with sweetened mascarpone and a dusting of cocoa; or a pear poached in honey and wine sitting atop a glassy pool of chocolate sauce; or a simple crisp sugar cookie plunged into a scoop of real vanilla ice cream resplendent with brown flecks of vanilla bean. Recalling its flavor, texture and aroma kinda makes you happy, doesn't it? What is it? Are you wanting it now? Everyone has their own seductive sweet mistress. Whatever it is...I CAN BET YOU THAT YOU AS SURE AS HELL AREN'T CRAVING SOMETHING MADE WITH SPLENDA AND BOASTING REDUCED OIL AND FAT CONTENT!

We had a friend of ours over for dinner last Friday night. He's a good guy. My partner is a good guy. I like these people. Why I tried to kill all of us by making a chocolate brownie with Splenda and 3/4 of the oil replaced with applesauce I'LL NEVER KNOW!!! Don't get me wrong. I like Splenda. I have also made baked goods using applesauce in place of some oils with very nice results. But, the key is not to attempt it with something that is supposed to be decadent and satisfying--like fudgy, chewy brownies! If you want brownies, make brownies for God's sake. Even my two kitchen assistants, Harpo and Janet, wouldn't touch them.

Okay, relax now. I didn't really try to feed this dessert to them.

This particular idea goes into the Acme kitchen "Trash Compactor Files"

TURKEY BURGERS YOU'LL ACTUALLY WANT TO GOBBLE UP (for a change)

The horrible thing about garbage food is that eating it doesn't necessarily quench some longing to indulge and leave you with a happy, satiated glow. Occasionally, wandering down the road to the witch's gingerbread house for a treat only whets the appetite, leaving you hungry enough to eat an entire sugar-coated urban housing development. We started out our weekend on a good note, grilling fish and enjoying it slathered in a tropical mango and cilantro salsa. But then it turned ugly. Saturday we worked up an appetite shopping at the Beverly Center and caved in to the instantly gratifying (and heart-clogging) offerings of Panda Express. We later caught an evening movie and downed a tub of popcorn instead of a meal. Sunday, we were among the last of the Los Angeleans to see the Ashes & Snow exhibit at the Santa Monica Pier (see our self-portrait on the ferris wheel). Of course, the crisp ocean air and beautiful sunshine commanded us to find a table in the sun at Yankee Doodles and polish off patty melts and fries. Wickedly tasty! As if that wasn't enough, we later met some buddies at the Abbey for a drink, which turned into more drinks and fried, cheesy appeitzers at Fiesta Cantina, followed by another round at Here (completely necessary as Kimberly S was keeping us highly energized as only she can). Now it feels like the proverbial morning after and I'm looking forward to some lighter fare this week.

These turkey burgers can be made with very lean ground turkey and yet they are juicy and flavorful. There is some measurable sodium content; be sure to use low sodium soy sauce. God grant us strength to avoid Taco Tuesday at Marix tomorrow!

SPICY GRILLED TURKEY BURGERS

1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup ketchup
2 egg whites, beaten
2 tablespoons lower sodium soy sauce
2 garlic cloves, mashed to a paste
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1 to 3 teaspoon chili paste (to taste--I use more)
black pepper--to taste
1 1/4 pounds ground turkey
1/2 small onion, minced
3/4 cup fresh bread crumbs

In a small bowl stir together Worcestershire sauce, ketchup, soy sauce, garlic paste, chili powder, cumin, chili paste and cracked black pepper to taste until sauce is smooth. In a large bowl stir together turkey, onion, bread crumbs, egg and prepared sauce until combined well and form into six 3/4-inch-thick patties. Beef burgers must be formed lightly to avoid making them compact and tough but these turkey patties should be well-formed, solid patties. If mixture feels too soft to hold together, add a small amount of additional bread crumbs.

Grill burgers on a well-oiled grill over medium heat. Cooking them over heat that is too high will cause the sugars in the ketchup to burn the patties too quickly. Turn patties carefully (they can tend to be crumbly) and cook for approximately 4 to 5 minutes per side. Do not over cook! I usually make double the amount of sauce indicated in the recipe. I reserve half of it to baste the burgers with once you have flipped them. Enjoy em hot!

Okay, maybe not the perfect heart-healthy food, but a much more healthy, flavorful alternative to fatty beef burgers.

SEARED TUNA -- A CURE FOR PEEP HANGOVERS

After a week of gorging myself on Peeps, jellybeans, and M & M's I decided it's time to embrace self-discipline and get back to a (semi) healthy diet. I discovered one easy way to turn the volume down on the appetite was to read this latest Tom Cruise article. Why hasn't the church of Scientology phoned his agent and had him excommunicated?

This Tuna recipe is from the Epicurious web site. I tend to avoid the inevitable smoke generated by searing anything indoors by placing a cast iron skillet with a tablespoon of oil on the outdoor grill (high heat) for at least ten minutes. Then, VERY carefully add your prepared fish steaks. Watch out as you might lose your eyebrows in the process. A very quick minute sears the fish beautifully.

SEARED TUNA WITH AN ORANGE, GINGER AND LEMONGRASS SAUCE

2 tablespoons plus 3/4 cup fresh orange juice
1 teaspoon cornstarch
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
2 tablespoons minced peeled fresh ginger
2 tablespoons minced fresh lemongrass
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1/4 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper
1/4 cup chicken stock or canned low-salt chicken broth
2 tablespoons soy sauce
4 6- to 7-ounce tuna steaks
Additional olive oil
8 teaspoons sesame seeds

Whisk 2 tablespoons orange juice and cornstarch in small bowl to blend. Heat 1 tablespoon oil in medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion, ginger, lemongrass, garlic and crushed red pepper; sauté until onion is light golden, about 3 minutes. Add 3/4 cup orange juice, stock and soy sauce and boil until reduced to 3/4 cup, about 4 minutes. Whisk in cornstarch mixture; boil 1 minute. Remove from heat. Season sauce to taste with salt and pepper. Brush tuna steaks with olive oil. Coat each side of each tuna steak with 1 teaspoon sesame seeds, pressing gently to adhere. Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in large nonstick skillet over high heat. Add tuna and cook until seared, about 1 minute per side. Bring sauce to simmer. Transfer tuna to plates. Serve with sauce.

CHICKEN TORTELLINI SOUP

I can not get too much Italian or Mexican food into my diet. I love rich, spicy, seductive foods. I appreciate the art of preparing exquisitely polite food with delicate flavors. But, if forced to meet only one at a culinary altar, the spicy food would be my mate for eternity.

This tortellini soup is hearty, spicy and adaptable enough for most tastes. I use discretion with the pepper flakes and then add a few mighty shakes to my bowl after ladling it up. Super easy for a weeknight--and great leftovers too.

Italian Chicken Tortellini Soup

Oilive oil
6 cloves garlic (more if you are like me)
One diced onion (ditto)
1 tsp+ Dried Tyme
1 tsp+ Dried basil
Red pepper flakes (to taste)
2 cups white wine (pour yourself one while your working)
2 large cans fat free/low salt chicken broth
1 can spicy V-8 juice
1 cup diced carrots
1/2 cup chopped celery
fresh cracked black pepper
2 boneless chicken breast halves, cut into bite sized pieces
1 package prepared chicken (or cheese, or herb) tortellini

Saute onion, carrots and celery in 2 tbs olive oil (add more if too dry) for 3 to 4 minutes, but not thoroughly cooked. Lower heat and add minced garlic, tyme, basil and red pepper flakes and cook until fragrant (2 to 3 minutes). In large pot, reduce white wine to one cup. Add vegetable mixture, broth, V-8 juice and cracked pepper to taste. Bring to simmer. Add chicken. Cook until vegetables are just crisp-tender. Add tortellini and simmer over low heat until tortellini is al dente. Serve.

**Great served with Italian style quesadillas. Fill flour tortillas with shredded cheese, sun-dried tomatoes and Italian seasonings. Grill.

FUN WITH LEFTOVERS

Well the Easter Bunny has come and hopped away once again. The egg hunt was a rousing success, although you guys appear to be out of practice as I found at least a half dozen eggs around the house after ya'll left. I should never have popped the cork on that last bottle of champagne. Now the only reminder of the gayest holiday of the year is the leftovers in the fridge and the peculiar, lingering looks on the neighbor's faces.

The left over carrot risotto certainly poses a challenge. Rewarmed risotto tends to become a weighty, globulous mass of starch better used to patch holes in the Spanish tiles on the roof. There is, however, a terrific way to turn it into a palatable dish. Crispy risotto cakes! They make a great pairing to a salad, or you can use them as a base for other toppings such as sauteed shrimp, shredded curried chicken, etc. You'll be happy you didn't donate it to Joan Rivers to use as makeup foundation.

CARROT RISOTTO CAKES

1 1/2 cups leftover carrot risotto
1 egg
2 tbs shredded parmesean cheese

1/2 cup breadcrumbs
small amount of vegetable oil (1 to 2 tbs)

Mix risotto, egg and cheese until blended. Use hands to form small patties with rice mixture. Coat patties lightly with breadcrumbs. Heat 1 tbs oil in skillet until shimmering and then add several prepared patties to pan. Cook over medium high heat for several minutes. Carefully turn patties and continue to cook until golden brown. Repeat process until patties are cooked--adding small amounts of oil to pan if needed.

Any type of risotto works with this dish. You may add chopped onion or other seasonings such as hot pepper flakes, curry powder or chopped sundried tomatoes.

FUNNY, HE NEVER EATS BEANS AT HOME...

Green beans are lowly, pedestrian members of the vegetable world. They are the red-haired step-child banished to a far corner of the garden. I rarely make them except maybe on Thanksgiving. I'm not even sure why I bother then. Maybe it's one of those weird cellular memory things passed down from family members expecting those gooey green bean casseroles made with canned soup and those crunchy fried onion things on top. However, my boyfriend's mother asked me to bring green beans to a Seder meal at their house tonight. I've paired them with an apricot sauce and actually found myself snacking on them. I may have to introduce them to my dinner table on occasion. Quels dommages !

GREEN BEANS WITH APRICOT SAUCE

1 to 1 1/2 lbs haricot verts (French green beans)

2 12 oz cans apricot nectar
1/2 tsp sesame oil
1/2 cup sliced almonds or chopped pistachios

Boil nectar in saucepan until reduced by half. Stir in sesame oil and set sauce aside.

Bring large pot of salted water to a roiling boil and add green beans. Boil until very crisp tender--no more than five minutes. Plunge beans into ice water to stop the cooking process. Drain when cool.

Place beans into oven-proof dish and pour sauce over, tossing to coat. Sprinkle nuts over top and place in 350 F oven just until hot.

FROM MARYANN, WITH LOVE

I don't recall "Gilligan's Island" having an Easter episode. But, if they did, I bet Maryann would have baked up some of these scrumptious coconut muffins. For Easter back here on dry land where you don't have to power your oven with a bamboo bicycle being pedaled by a chimpanzee, these are a twist to regular biscuits or rolls with your Easter ham. They have a lightly sweet flavor that falls between a macaroon and cornbread.

COCONUT MUFFINS

4 cups sweetened flaked coconut (or try half unsweetened for a more savory muffin)
2 cups flour
1 stick unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup sugar (or Splenda since beach weather is around the corner)
2 large eggs
1 cup buttermilk

Preheat oven to 350 F. Spread 3 cups of coconut on baking sheet and place in oven. Watch closely and stir occasionally until coconut is golden brown (approx 20 minutes). You can expedite this by placing untoasted coconut in skillet and stirring almost constantly over medium-high heat. Be careful because the sweetened coconut will burn easily. Cool. Grind coconut in food processor to a coarse meal.

Stir flour, ground coconut and remaining cup of untoasted coconut in bowl. Cream butter and sugar together in seperate bowl until very smooth. Add eggs, beating well after each addition. Stir buttermilk into flour mixture, then add egg mixture and stir just until all ingredients are moistened.

Pour batter into well-greased muffin tins and bake in middle of oven for 20 to 22 minutes or until golden brown. Cool pan for several minutes then remove muffins and place on rack to cool.

CREME DE LA CREME OF FRENCH TOAST

Somehow, an Easter Sunday brunch gives you free license to disregard healthy dietary mantras and endulge in rich and decadent food (as does Taco Tuesday at Marix but that is another story). This recipe wears the crown of decadence. It's rich, sweet and unbelievably good. It's also the perfect thing to make for a crowd as the work is done the night before and only needs to be tossed into the oven while you enjoy some champagne with your Peeps.

CREME BRULEE FRENCH TOAST

Loaf of Challah bread (day old is best...feeling rebellious--make it two!)
1 stick unsalted butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 tbs maple syrup
5 large eggs
1 1/2 cups half-and-half
1 tbs vanilla
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 tbs Grand Marnier, or 1/2 tsp pure orange oil
1/4 tsp salt

*Optional step* Slice bread into 1+ inch thick slices and store very losely covered the day prior to starting this dish. This allows the bread to lose moisture and become stale which gives optimum results.

Coat a 13x9x2 baking dish VERY well with non-stick spray. Melt butter, syrup and sugar over low heat and stir together well. Pour butter mixture evenly into baking dish. Slice bread into 1+ inch thick slices (use end pieces to feed the birds). Place slices in a tight single layer in baking dish, squeezing slightly to fit.

Wisk eggs, half-and-half, vanilla, cinnamon, Grand Marnier and salt together. Pour evenly over bread mixture. Cover dish with plastic wrap and chill overnight.

Preheat oven to 350 F. and let bring bread mixture to almost room temperature. Bake uncovered about 35 to 40 minutes. Edges should puff and brown slightly.

**Note**This french toast is delicious served hot out of the oven. For additional deliciousness use a metal spatula to carefully flip bread slices over (harder than it sounds) so that the brown sugar sauce on bottom becomes the topping. Place entire pan under broiler and WATCH CAREFULLY to prevent burning. Remove pan when sauce begins to carmelize. This extra step really honors the "creme brulee" moniker. I suppose you could also use a creme brulee torch. However, be prepared to soak that pan in hot soapy water for a while (while you enjoy another glass of champage; or if your feeling rebellious--a bottle).

COUNTDOWN TO EASTER

I adore Easter. A morning when you awake to realize that a basket-toting, skipping, cotton-tailed bunny (wearing a pastel bow-tie no less) has decked out your garden with chocolatey treats for you to find is a good thing. However, if you experience this more than once a year it could be a signal that you need to pay a visit to Betty Ford at her little place out in the desert. However, if the calendar says it's Easter Sunday, toss a Peep into a glass of champagne and head to brunch!

The only regrettable part of Easter is the whole business about eggs. They are great fun to decorate, but I can't bring myself to eat them. That peculiar smell, taste and texture all amount to a nauseatingly unappetizing food. The fact that the rest of the world devours them leads me to believe I'm missing a chromosome.

This week will be my tribute to Easter. I'll even throw in an egg dish (I can make em, I just don't want to eat em). If you wish to make the visiting bunny a happy fellow, leave a bowl of this carrot risotto out for him. He might reward you with something extra special.

Carrot Risotto

1/4 cup olive oil
1/2 cup finely julienned carrots
1/2 cup finely diced onion or shallots
1 tbs finely minced ginger
3 cups fresh carrot juice
1 1/2 cup risotto rice
1 cup dry white wine
2 cups chicken stock
1/2 cup shredded parmesean
1/4 cup finely chopped parsley
fresh cracked pepper

Place carrot juice in small saucepan and warm--do not boil. Heat oil in large saucepan and add carrots, onions and ginger. Saute lightly for several minutes until fragrant. Add risotto to pan and stir until rice is coated with oil. Add wine and cook and stir very frequently until absorbed. Add juice one ladle at a time, stirring till juice is absorbed before adding the next. Repeat until juice is gone. Continue by adding small amounts of stock until rice is al dente. Rice should be very creamy but still firm to the bite. Remove from heat and stir in cheese, pepper and parsley. Serve hot.

I use my juicer to make fresh carrot juice for this recipe. However, I've used Naked Juice and Odwalla carrot juice with decent results. The juice creates a lightly sweet risotto, so be sure to use a very dry white wine.

THIS RECIPE'S FOR THE BIRDS

I don't do much cooking on Saturday. The only exception is for the voracious hummingbirds that swarm our decks and gardens. We moved to a great place in the hills last summer. With the house came the hummingbirds (and owls and hawks.) The homeowner who sold us the house left a written note with her recipe for the hummingbird food. She was hopeful that we'd continue to feed them.




Here is an excerpt of her note to us with the recipe:

1 part sugar to 4 parts water. They don't need red dye to find the necar. They often empty the feeder in 8 to 12 hours. You may be boiling sugar water in your sleep.

I try not to let her down.


I think we'd move this fast too if all we drank was sugar!

In the Beginning...

About six months ago my friend Cindy asked me if I was familiar with blogs. She didn't really wait for my reply, she just continued this stream of thought by commenting how everyone was starting them and that they were a cool writing outlet and inquired if maybe we ourselves should each try our hand at one. I responded with a firm "don'teveraskthatagain." Blogs are for geeks, right? SHEESH at her for suggesting it!

About a month ago I discovered food blogs. The hook settled deep in my cheek as I devoured one about the pre-appetizer trend of amuse bouche. I totally got that concept as I equate those mini-bites as non-negotiable as the start to a great meal (at least when company is present).

As I browsed a year's worth of past entries in Bloghungry's site it became quite obvious to me that a food blog could help to correct a major flaw in my culinary habits. I never follow recipes. It's not that I can't, I just don't. I read a recipe, most any recipe, and immediately have to "make it better." The end result is often just what I'd hoped it would be. Other times it only serves to draw coyotes to the trash bin. The actual problem, however, is that I never write down exactly what I've done. Meals that are met with great acclaim can often never be exactly duplicated.

I'm starting this blog in hopes that I can document what I've prepared and create encore meals from it. Let the coyotes find another trash bin.